In this episode, we’re back into the Mahabharat.
Like most episodes on this show, you need not have heard any of the previous episodes. But it may help if you want more context. Check out the links in the show notes for the earlier Mahabharat episodes.
Shantanu, the Emperor of Hastinapur and the River Ganga had a baby boy – Bhisma. The boy, Bhishma, would have been crowned emperor. Except he blew it all away so that Shantanu could marry Satyavati. Satyavati’s father would only agree to his daughter’s marriage to the Emperor of India only if Bhisma renounced his claim to the throne and promised never to have children.
The foolhardy and rash young man that he was, Bhishma made that promise.
Over time Shantanu and Satyavati had a couple of boys. But tragedy continued to hurt the Empire, as first Shantanu passed away and then Chitrangada, the older child.
With no other choice, Satyavati’s younger son, Vichitravirya, was crowned Emperor, even though he was just a little boy.
Bhishma also took the extraordinary step of kidnapping three prospective queens for Vichitravirya. But the curse struck again. Vichitravirya passed away, childless.
The big question confronting Satyavati and Bhishma was the same one that had plagued Shantanu several years earlier in the story. Who would be the next ruler? Bhishma was Shantanu’s son and he was around, sure, but he had promised not to sit on the throne.
We’ll begin the story in the throne room. But the room did not have the usual crowd of hundreds. There were just two people. And an elephant in the room. Bhishma and Satyavati looked at each other. This last month had not been easy on them. Vichitravirya wasn’t just Bheem’s half-brother and Satyavati’s darling son. He was emperor. With him gone, there was no one to succeed him.
Bhishma couldn’t ascend to the throne. And the only remaining members of the royal family were Satyavati, Ambika and Ambdalika.
“You know, we don’t need an emperor. We could just make you empress” said Bhishma.
They looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“I needed that” said Satyavati finally. “Only a joke like that about the hopelessly patriarchal society will live in could have distracted me from this gloom we’ve been living in this past month”
“I couldn’t have put it better myself, mother” said Bhishma. “But back to business now. We must find a successor”
“I’m telling you again Bhishma, you could marry and have kids” said Satyavati. “Why are you still sticking to your promise? No one will know. I’ll pretend the children are adopted”
“No, mother. A promise is a promise. I’d sooner let the Empire collapse into ruins than for future historians to think I was faithless.”
“That’s terrible logic, but I’ll let it slide.” she paused. “What about Bahlik?”
She was referring to Shantanu’s older brother. He would normally have been next in line. But Bahlik was the type of royal who preferred to stay out of the spotlight. He would have formally renounced his title, done a Netflix deal and gone on the Oprah Winfrey show if anyone had given him the option. Bhishma said so. Besides Bahlik was’t qualified because it would have to be a descendant of Satyavati’s on the throne. That was part of Bhishma’s promise too.
“I have no choice then.” said Satyavati “Bring me Vyas”
“Vyas, the Rishi?! The Vyas?” asked Bhishma, surprised “The one who authored this epic we’re a part of?”
“The very same. I’m afraid I have no choice but to reveal a secret I’ve kept hidden most of my life – Vyas is my son” said Satyavati.
Bhishma was shocked. “What?! I’m sorry, Narada, who wrote today’s script? Yo, Narada, do you even have the lines right?”
I nodded and mimed for him to continue.
Bhishma grumbled and muttered about something about sounding like an afternoon Television Soap Opera rerun. With a liberal amount of extra k’s sprinkled in the title which would probably be called “Kkkkyunkki Rishi bhi Kkkabhi Beta tha”
But he did go to Vyas’s ashram. Vyas was waiting for him.
“Do you know why I’m here?” asked Bhishma
“Yes brother” said Vyas. I’ve been waiting for you since Episode 84 – Mahabharat – A Princess Scorned. It’s about time.
Vyas picked up his briefcase and with Bhishma began the journey back to the palace. And along the way, Vyas explained what was going on. It turned out that his dad was not Shantanu at all.
“My dad is Parashar.”
“Not ringing a bell” said Bhisma
“Grandson of Vashishta?! Author of the Vishnu Purana? Never mind. All that does matter is that Parashar and Satyavati met one day when he was crossing the Yamuna in her boat. They went out and eventually had me. Parashar raised me up all by himself. His life’s an interesting one. I’m sure Narada will cover that story in a future episode”
They got back to the palace. Satyavati received him much more warmly. For someone who was meeting his mother for the first time since she gave birth to him, they got along quite well.
Vyas had come prepared. “I know what you need Mum. I brought along my baby assembly kit right here” he pointed to his briefcase. All I need is some forms to be filled in. I have all the equipment ready. Questionnaire, Consent form, Cauldron, Test tubes.”
“How does this work?” asked Bhishma mystified
“Have you ever been to the mall? Have you seen one of those build-a-bear stores? Parents pay a crazy amount of money to have their child assemble a teddy bear? Same concept. Except I’ll do it better – the babies I make are all alive”
He indicated his briefcase proudly. “Fair warning though – we only have one shot at this”
Vyas set up his cauldron and began brewing something – a potion of some kind.
He asked for Ambika to be sent in. Vyas had her sit at the table. He got right down to business. “Alright princess, let me explain what I’m doing here. I have some special magic powers. I can grant babies to childless single parents. I’ve never used it before, but Satyavati is my mom and her smallest wish is my command. I must do everything I can so the Empire has a successor”
“Are you going to rule yourself? Also, what do you want with me?”
“I can’t sit on the throne myself. And that alone won’t solve the succession problem. So fast forward to the actual solution – in this cauldron I’m making a potion. If you drink it, you shall have a child.”
“Is that like the porridge in the Ramayana that Dasharath gave his queens, back in Episode 7 – Kingdom by Horse?” asked Ambika
“No, they don’t make them like that anymore. You can’t even find those on ebay anymore. This is the only kind now. This is a single use potion. And I’m afraid it tastes nothing like porridge. It’s more like a mix of vegemite and broccoli and bitter gourd. Absolutely nutritious no doubt, but they’re the opposite of tasty”
“Alright, give me the potion” said Ambika
“It’s not complete yet. But what I need is for you to fill in this form”
Ambika began reading through it. “This is a lot of personal information. I don’t know what my birth weight and height were”
“It’s not your birth weight and height. It’s the baby’s” said Vyas.
“Oops” said Ambika and began correcting the name and gender she had already filled in.
This was turning out to be fun. Ambika who had led a sheltered life, whose life decisions were made first by her father, then by Bheeshma, then by Satyavati. Now at last she had some choice, some control over someone else. She recalled her many fights with her parents in her teenage years, and how they had never let her experiment with a different hair color. Boldly, she entered the “Other Defining Characteristics” field on the form: “Blond”. Her son would be blond. He would be the Emperor of India and people would be forced to accept his hair color.
Only the space available for other defining characteristics was tiny, so she had to squeeze it in somehow. She handed back the form to Vyas. She had asked for everything else as well. Her son would be strong and be able to crush an elephant with his bare hands.
Vyas took the form and said “Normally I’d read through every field and make sure there’s no mistake. But I trust you Princess. He held the form over the boiling cauldron and started a timer. Exactly a minute later, he put it away.
“Potion’s ready, drink up Princess” he told Ambika, pouring it out into a tall glass.
While Ambika slowly drank the potion, Vyas began casually reading the form. Ooh nice name he said. Dhritarashtra. When he got to the “Other Defining Characteristics” he stopped dead in horror. “Princess?! Why?!”
“Relax, Vyas. He can always dye his hair black if he wants to” said Ambika who had just finished her drink.
“Dye his hair?! What are you talking about? You’ve asked for the baby to be blind. Sightless.”
Ambika grabbed the form in horror. Sure enough the word “blond” squeezed into that tiny available space looked more like “blind” than “blond”
“It’s all because of your stupid form” said Ambika. “Who puts such a long field name? Other defining characteristics. That’s 30 spaces. And you’d left me insufficient space to squeeze in just 5 characters.”
“What’s done is done,” said Satyavati. “Ambika you may leave us. But send over Ambalika”
She did. But Vyas didn’t think much of the idea of trying again with Ambalika. “The potion is unlikely to be potent enough, and I have to reuse the cauldron which is never a good idea”
But Satyavati convinced him to try again. So he did. Ambalika was nervous, very nervous. She had heard what this man did to her sister, Ambika. Her hands were shaking as she filled out the form. Vyas’s unkempt appearance and body odor only made her more nervous.
She completed the form finally and this time Vyas read it. He did hold it over the cauldron as before and when it was ready gave the Princess the potion to drink.
When Ambalika left, Satyavati and Bhishma could see he was not happy.
“I warned you mom. I’m not reusing cauldrons anymore. Ambalika will have a son, Pandu, she’s named him. He’ll have his sight no doubt. But he’ll have an enemy all his life. And this isn’t the kind of enemy that Bhishma can protect him from. Pandu will have health problems all his life.”
“We must try again then. After Dhritarashtra is born. Ambika will fill in the form again. Properly this time”
“If you insist. But this will be the last time. And I’ll need a fresh cauldron”
Vyas decided to get one from his ashram. When he was back at the palace, there was confetti everywhere. There were banners of “Welcome Baby Dhritarashtra and Baby Pandu” everywhere.
Vyas said hello to Satyavati. “I’m doing this one last time, Mum. I have no more equipment for another. I’ll have to go to the mountains and pray to the gods for years before I can get more”
Satyavati understood. At least the situation was a bit better than last time. She hoped Pandu’s health and Dhritarashtra’s sightlessness wouldn’t prevent them from having healthy children of their own.
She sent a message to Ambika.
But Ambika had PTSD. She did not want to meet this horrible Rishi who couldn’t even design a form properly, and had caused her baby to be born blind.
She decided to weasel out of this. She addressed her maid who was standing next to her fanning her with a large hand fan. “Parishrami. I want to play a trick on that nasty man. I want you to pretend to be me.”
“Suits me, Princess! What do I have to do”
“Wear my clothes and jewelry, meet Vyas, fill in a form. Don’t talk to him. I don’t think he’ll ask too many questions if you don’t say a word”
Parishrami was cool with that. If she got to keep the clothes and jewels. And if she had a hefty bonus next Diwali.
That was totally acceptable to Ambika, so Parishrami got into the act.
She had her veil on so it was hard for Vyas to recognize her. He did realize that the lady in front of him was not Ambika though, when he saw the handwriting. But by then it was too late.
He dismissed this Ambika impersonator with no further questions.
Satyavati came in and asked “Well?”
“There’s good news and bad news”
“Give me the good news first.” said Satyavati
“The boy, Vidhur will be absolutely healthy. He’ll be the wisest person in the world, he’ll be kind and he would make a perfect ruler. But the bad news is that Vidhur cannot sit on the throne. His mother is not Ambika, it’s Ambika’s maid. Parishrami”
“Are you sure? How could you tell?” asked Satyavati
“Well, mother. It was really tricky. She was wearing Ambika’s clothes and she hid her face. But in the end I could tell anyway. She was a foot shorter than Ambika, her voice was very different, she kept asking if I needed anything from the kitchen, and the very suggestive fact that she signed her name Parishrami on the form”
“Why does this keep happening to me?” asked Satyavati “Where is the God of justice when you need him?”
“Funny you should mention that” said Vyas. The God of Justice is being born as this boy Vidhur.”
“What?” asked Satyavati
“Yup! True story! There was once this Rishi who got a little unlucky. He was in his ashram, and some thieves chose to hide there after a heist at the palace. The King of the land assumed that the Rishi was the ringleader and punished him in a terrible way. Now the Rishi forgave the King, but did not forgive the GoJ, the God of Justice. The GoJ claimed that it was all payback because the rishi had accidentally crushed a bug by stepping on it when he was a child. Well, in a turn-the-tables kind of situation, the rishi established that from then on, all sins committed before the age of 12 would be forgiven. And he cursed the GoJ to be born as a child in the human world. That child is Vidhur”
“So when you say that Vidhur is the wisest person in the world, he’s also the same person who inflicted disproportionately severe punishment on someone because they crushed a tiny inconsequential bug without even realizing it?”
“Sets a really low bar for the rest of the world, doesn’t he?” said Vyas. “Well, I best be off. I have to get packing if I’m to go off and meditate for a few years. I’ll come by and visit this family often. Maybe even write a book about it”
“Thanks for all you have done here Vyas” said Satyavati and bid him farewell.
She had to reflect back on this episode. Yeah, there were some downsides to having a blind grandson and another with chronic health issues. But she was definitely more optimistic about the future. She must arrange for the children’s education. Even Vidhur. He couldn’t sit on the throne, but he needed to learn a lot, if he’d been that bad at dispensing justice in his former life. At least if she supervised their education, they might design forms properly and be careful not to reuse single-use-cauldrons.
That’s all for now
Some notes on the show
The actual version of the Mahabharat has a less sanitized version of what actually happened between Vyas and the princesses. Hint: it involved less magic.
That version attributed Dhritarashtra’s sightlessness to his mom’s inability to keep her eyes open when facing Vyas. Vyas describing himself in the epic he himself authored freely admits to having a wild appearance and a strong body odor.
Previous Mahabharat Episodes are here:
Episode 59 – River of Dreams
Episode 60 – Down By The River
Episode 68 – Waiting
Episode 69 – Father and Son
Episode 70 – The Art of the Deal
Episode 83 – Mahabharata – The Groom Reveal Party
Episode 84 – Mahabharat – A Princess Scorned
Episode 91 – Mahabharat – Amba
Check out other Mahabharat Episodes too, some of which are peripherally linked to the main storyline, including
Episode 27 – The Rise of Shukra
Episode 28 – His Girl Friday
Episode 37 – A Fishy Engagement
That’s all for now.
Next Time
In the next episode, we’ll do a folk tale again. This one is a story from the Deccan plateau, a pretty large area covering most of Southern India and lots of Western India. It’s an action-packed story with lots of magic, deception, and confidence tricks. Which makes total sense because the anti-hero of the story is a jackal.