Episode 70 – The Art of the Deal

This week we are going to continue the story of the Mahabharata.

I’ll summarize the story so far.

Emperor Shantanu of Hastinapur and the River Goddess Ganga married. It would have been a happy marriage, except Ganga kept drowning every one of their children. Shantanu really wanted to stop her but he couldn’t. Because as a condition to accepting his proposal, Ganga had made him promise that he would never question her or stop her.

After Ganga the Goddess had drowned her first 7 children in Ganga the River, Shantanu finally decided he had had enough. He intervened and stopped her from doing the same to their 8th baby. That broke their marriage, but the baby was saved! It still didn’t help Shantanu much because Ganga took the baby away and departed from his life.

Shantanu had waited for years staring at the Ganga, willing it to return his child. And finally one day Ganga brought his boy Devvrata back to him. 

The boy was incredibly talented when it came to weapons. Ganga had him trained by the foremost experts of his time. She came, she saw and she handed over her child and disappeared right away again.

Shantanu designated Devvrata as his heir. And the public loved it. More because his father had spent all his years in power staring at a river instead of working for the public good. Devvrata did prove to be a good prince, great with weapons, skilled in administrative duties so he did earn their respect and admiration.

After delegating most of his work to his son, Shantanu engaged in the activity he loved the most – and that was hunting. On one such hunt, he chased what he thought was a new type of designer perfume for deer, but which turned out to be a young woman by the banks of the Yamuna. Upon seeing her, Shantanu began thinking that this must be the beautiful lady by the riverbank his father had urged him to marry, even though he had thought exactly the same thing years ago about Ganga.

We’ll pick up the story at this point.

Shantanu stepped forward, carefully so as not to scare her. A man crawling out of the bushes was not the kind of the first impression he wanted to make on this lady.

He approached, planning his introduction. But when she saw him first and beat him to it.

“Hello, Uncle! Do you want to cross the river?”

Shantanu winced at the word Uncle, but oblivious to that, the girl continued “I’ll take you across in my boat. My boat’s called Basanti. I named her after a movie I saw. Have you seen it? It’s the best boat ever. And I’m the best boatswoman along the Yamuna. And best boatsperson. I’ll make sure you get the best seat and the best view. You have the option of looking upstream, or downstream. I’ll narrate some of the sights and sounds on the way. And moneyback guarantee if you don’t make it safely across”

“How…”? Shantanu began asking

“How will you get back your money if you don’t make it out safely? That’s why we ask for next of kin information” said the lady, handing him a thick sheaf of papers and a clipboard. Sign on all the dotted lines. Make sure you don’t forget to enter an address, with a pin code. It’s silly how often people forget that you know? I mean, I don’t mind not having to pay them back, but it’s like _their money_ you know. They paid for it. It figures their family should get it back. Don’t you agree?”

Before Shantanu could say that yes he did agree, the girl continued again “. Anyway, here’s your napkin, bottle of water, and a complimentary bag of peanuts. If you have a nut allergy or something, let me know. I’d be more than happy to uh… dispose of those *tasty* peanuts for you. Just make sure you don’t leave any garbage on the boat when we get there. Everything you brought with you on the boat, you have to take back with you. Except for the fare for the crossing of course, and recycling fee, insurance fee, state and local government tax, value-added tax, and boat owners beneficiary surcharge. Or how would I stay in business, Mr…. Mr… ?”

Shantanu was struggling to keep up with the girl’s comments. Finally, now that he was given a chance to speak he hastily said “Emperor. It’s Emperor”

“Mr. Emperor. Strange name, but who am I to judge? You get unusual names all the time. Last week, I had a guy called, she was called Shankar Narayana. Like, make up your mind, Shankar, or Narayana? Shiva or Vishnu? I laughed so hard, my coffee came out of my nose”

When she saw Shantanu wasn’t laughing, she felt the need to explain: “It’s like man, Shankar is Shiva’s name and Narayan is Vishnu’s. So if a guy is called Shankar Narayan, it’s like he can’t make his mind up about which one he’s picking. Never mind, a joke when explained loses its value. So, Mr. Emperor, what’s your profession? And would you like the smoking section of the boat or the non-smoking one? I also must ask you if you want the seat with the extra legroom, I’ll throw that one in for you, no extra charge. The only thing I ask is that in the event of an emergency, you have to be prepared to assist me. Anyway, are you going to pay by card or cash or check?”

“Would you like to get coffee?” he asked seizing the opportunity.

“Are you a coffee salesman? I’m not buying anything unless you have a fair trade sticker to prove you didn’t just fleece a bunch of innocent coffee farmers in Africa and South America. I always say…”

“No, I’m not a coffee salesman.” interjected Shantanu, “I want to know if you want to have coffee with me”

The girl didn’t seem to mind the interruption. “Oh, you’re one of those tv show hosts. You’ll pretend to pour coffee and I’ll pretend to pour my heart out to you. I can’t believe people even believe what happens on those shows”

“No, I’m not a talk show host. I’m also not fetching you a coffee. I’m offering to take you to that cafe, so you and I can sit at a table and drink coffee together. What time do you get off work?”

“8 o clock by the sundial. I know what you’ll say how can I tell it’s 8 pm when that’ll be after sunset? But Mr. Emperor, I meant 8 o clock in the morning, not evening. I’m doing the graveyard shift tonight.”

Shantanu waited patiently until the next morning. He did go to the cafe with the girl. In between a mountain of other things, he did also find out her name was Satyavati. And he managed to squeeze in the fact that Emperor wasn’t his name, it was his profession.

The shock was so great, even Satyavati was silent for a minute.

When Shantanu suggested he was interested in being more than just a friend, she politely suggested he talk to her father first. As was the custom back in the day.

Shantanu had them lay out the red carpet for him, right up to Satyavati’s father’s doorstep.

Satyavati had given her dad, Koli, a bit of a heads up. So the Emperor’s presence at their little cottage wasn’t much of a surprise. Shantanu was certainly not young anymore in fact he was a contemporary of Koli, so the two hit it off splendidly. Especially as Koli was not as talkative as his daughter, so Shantanu could have an actual conversation. 

Koli was the chief of the fishermen and fisherwomen, and that meant he was a bit of a politician. Maybe even more so than the King who’d delegated off all such work to his son.

After tea and cookies, Shantanu casually brought up the fact that he wanted Satyavati to be his Queen.

He expected the poor Koli to thank his lucky stars and fall at Shantanu’s feet, and sniffle out of emotion. If not that extreme, at least he expected the poor fisherman’s eyes to tear up, and for him to express how lucky he was, and what a splendid guy Shantanu must be and all that sort of stuff.

What he did not expect was for Koli to brush off a speck of dust off his coat sleeve, wait a few seconds, politely decline, and to attempt to change the topic.

“Wait, why?” asked the very surprised Emperor. “I’m the Emperor! I’m the most powerful man in history.”

“I’m a father. If you had a daughter whom you’d raised all your life, you’d understand. But you don’t. Give me your word right now that only a child of Satyavati’s will be Emperor, and I’ll gladly bless this union. Why, being a captain, I even have permission to marry the two of you. I’ll do so instantly. All I want is your word.”

Shantanu’s face dropped. As tempted as he was to give in, he resisted. “I cannot. I have already declared Devvrata as my successor. It’s no longer in my power to make such a deal with you”

“Then I’m afraid, I cannot permit this wedding”

This was pretty bad. The societal scale was completely imbalanced here. An Emperor wishing to marry a poor boatswoman, and being _rejected_ by her father. Shantanu would never be able to live this down.

Unless he actually accepted Koli’s condition. But that really was not an option without getting Devvrata’s consent.

That Shantanu did not even think of asserting his royal authority and force Satyavati to marry him, is a testament to the balance of power between the Emperor and his subjects.

Saddened, Shantanu left the cottage, without even finishing his tea. Koli did a semi-hooray. Maybe he wouldn’t be getting rich as the father of the Queen of Hastinapur, but at least he got to say that he’d stood up to the Emperor!

Shantanu kept thinking of Satyavati all the way back to his palace. And he kept thinking of her after he got home as well. Losing 7 children and then being separated from his wife and his only surviving child had already limited his ability to ever be happy. But now, he was deeply depressed. 

Devvrata noticed that when he realized that his father had been back at the palace for two whole days without making any plans for his next hunt.

Devvrata naturally asked his father why he seemed different. “Did he by any chance meet a woman whom he wanted to marry but couldn’t because of a crazy pre-nuptial condition she had imposed?”

“Lucky guess,” thought Shantanu, and then swore that it was nothing like that. After all, it was her father who had imposed the condition, not the woman herself.

He merely brushed it off, saying that he was worried about how powerful and skilled Devvrata was with weapons. He used the Marvel Avengers as an example to explain that all of Earth’s problems in the Marvel Cinematic Universe only began after the emergence of superheroes. If Devvrata continued to stick out because of all his weapons and powers, sooner or later, he’d attract powerful enemies, maybe even Thanos. 

“The point is,” Shantanu said. “If you die childless, and I have no other kids, who will rule Hastinapur?”

“Couldn’t we just let it run itself? Maybe we’ll even let the people decide whom they want as their rulers. We could have an executive body, a legislature, and a Judiciary.” asked Devvrata with a straight face.

They stared at each other for a few seconds and then they both burst out laughing. Shantanu had actually laughed. “The joke had been worth it,” thought Devvrata, but Shantanu again sunk back into his depression.

Devvrata realized he wasn’t getting a proper answer from his Dad. He sought out the ministers and quizzed them about what was going on here. The Chief Minister finally revealed everything about Satyavati, Koli, Koli’s condition.

Devvrata understood. This went beyond just the matter of his father’s marriage. His reputation was now at stake.

He gathered the ministers and dropped by Satyavati’s cottage. He had a similar conversation with Koli. I mean he didn’t ask for Satyavati’s hand in marriage himself. He asked for her to marry his father instead.

This time when Koli stated his condition, Devvrata was prepared. 

“Yeah, no big deal,” said Devvrata. “I give you my word. A child of Satyavati’s will succeed Shantanu. I give up my claim. Now get her to pack her bags and come with me.”

“I wish that were good enough Devvrata,” said Koli. “But it’s not. I don’t doubt your sincerity or your word. But there has been a history of violence against babies in your family.”

“Alright, I’ll swear a second oath right now. I promise to protect whoever sits on the throne of Hastinapur. When you combine that with the previous oath, a keen observer may note that I’ve really sworn to protect Satyavati’s child. And whoever succeeds him, and so on. _Now_ get Satyavati to pack her bags and come with me.”

“Not so fast! But we are making progress. I trust your word completely. But how can I trust that your children won’t try to claim the throne for themselves?”

“Alright. That’s easily remedied” said Devvrata “I solemnly swear, I will not marry. Ever. And I will never have any children.”

“Oh,” said Koli shocked. “Aren’t you overreacting? I just wanted like a contract or a binding legal agreement drawn out or something. You don’t have to punish yourself for this.”

But what was done, was done.

Devvrata had sworn three oaths. All three terrible ones. That day onwards, he was called Bheeshma, because of the terrible magnitude of his oaths.

Spoiler alert: this was not going to end well for anyone.

This was just the first of many power struggles in the Mahabharat, all for the throne of Hastinapur.

Devvrata returned with Satyavati, who was now his stepmother. “Gee, you, the mighty great Bheesma are going to treat me like I’m your mum? And to touch my feet and all that? OMG, I still can’t believe it”

Shantanu received them with joy. He should really have been deeply disturbed by Bheeshma’s action. And maybe cautioned his son about the adverse effects of a lack of judgment. But he was actually pleased.

“Devvrata, for your noble action, I am giving you a boon. That you’ll only die when you choose to”

Which was not necessarily the best boon of all, but sure it meant that no one could kill him if he did not want them to. That meant he could be invincible in battle. Or maybe he would be like the Terminator. You know, blow up the robot, freeze it, burn it, crush it. It would always assemble again and continue to live on.

That’s all I have for this time.

Some notes on the show

The Mahabharat does not actually name Satyavati’s father. I’ve called him Koli because in one Indian language it means “Fisherman”. That was his profession anyway.

It may seem remarkable that a poor fisherman was able to defy the wishes of the Emperor. But that’s actually a reflection of the balance of power between the Emperor and his subjects. Sure they could order things about, but they valued being popular. And Shantanu was certainly a popular Emperor.
Satyavati has also been called Gandhavati in the text.

The Previous Mahabharat episodes are:
Episode 59 – River of Dreams
Episode 60 – Down By The River
Episode 68 – Waiting
Episode 69 – Father and Son

Check out other Mahabharat Episodes too, some of which are peripherally linked to the main storyline.

That’s all for now. 

Next Time

In the next episode, we’re switching things up a bit and doing a folk tale again. This one’s from the Indian state of Himachal Pradesh. It’s about how one family solved the problem of too many mouths to feed. There’s the usual evil stepmother, starving children, and the obligatory abandoning in the forest.

I’ll see you next time!