In this episode, we’re doing a Vikram and Betaal story.
We’ve done five Vikram and Betaal episodes before. But you don’t need to have heard any of them before because these stories are all standalone. There’s a framing narrative around all of the Vikram and Betaal stories which you will find in Episode 5 – Kingly Duties. Other episodes are linked in the show notes.
And if you haven’t heard the previous Vikram and Betaal Episodes here’s a summary
Vikramaditya or Vik was a wise king. Once a Rishi gave him a gift, a mango. And then again, the next day. And the day after. This became a habit. Until one day Vik discovered that the mango actually contained a precious gem disguised as a fruit.
To repay him for the gifts, the king agreed to the Rishi’s request of fetching him a Betaal from the crematorium. A Betaal is a reanimated corpse or a Revenant. In some translations, it has been approximated to a Vampire or Zombie, but strictly speaking none of those labels exactly match what a Betaal is. Check out Mini-Episode 46.5 for more on what a Betaal is.
Anyway, this Betaal mostly loved hanging down from a tree, like a bat. Though he did not want to be captured, the King managed that pretty easily. While the King was carrying the Betaal to the Rishi, the Betaal told him a story which was actually a lateral thinking puzzle. The King just couldn’t resist answering the Betaal. But when he did, the Betaal escaped back to the tree. This happened about 25 times. We’ve covered 5 such stories so far. In this episode we’ll cover another one.
So our story begins back at the crematorium again. With Vik walking towards the Rishi again. With the captured Betaal on his back, again.
The Betaal began with his usual pretext that it was a long walk to the other side of the cemetery. It was like a whole half a kilometer or something. There was time enough for Betaal to tell him a story.
Vik couldn’t reply. He knew that the moment he said something, it seemed to magically allow the Betaal to slip away. He vigorously shook his head.
6th attempt in, he was already tired of climbing trees and carrying the Betaal again.
And he was doing this in the middle of the night instead of sleeping peacefully in his comfortable bed at the palace.
Completely ignoring Vik’s obvious disapproval, the Betaal began telling his story.
It starts in a forest. Not a dark forest like many on Narada’s podcast. Just a regular out-of-the-way place where a prince and his friend might go on a hunting trip without expecting to stumble on someone else from a rival kingdom.
So when prince Rajkumar and his friend Mantri went on a hunting trip into said forest, they were not expecting to meet royals from another Kingdom.
But that’s exactly what the richly decorated horses and the heavily armed soldiers and the expensive looking picnic baskets indicated.
In their hiding spot in the bushes Rajkumar asked Mantri. “Do you think they are friendly? We’ve been hunting for hours and I’m thirsty. I want to ask them for water”
“Shhh, your majesty. Quiet. It’s not a good idea to approach them right now” replied Mantri.
“How do you know?” asked Rajkumar
“Elementary, your majesty. The soldiers have their hands on their swords. They are expecting trouble”
“Well, I’m going to try and swipe one of those picnic baskets” said Rajkumar. Despite the look of disapproval from Mantri, Rajkumar crept away from the hiding spot.
He decided to circle around to towards a pond. It’s likely that the picnic baskets would be there. As he got closer he saw someone. It was a princess. The most beautiful he had ever seen. And she saw him too. Her expression was a bit hard to read.
But after a while she took the flower that was in her hair, touched it to her ear, bit it with her teeth, dropped it on the ground, stepped on it, picked it up and touched it to her heart.
Rajkumar cringed at that. But she ignored him and walked away.
He looked in her direction for a long time, but no, there was no picnic basket there. Rajkumar walked away disappointed.
After walking a distance, he spotted Mantri. With a picnic basket!
“How did you get that?” he asked astonished.
“Lost property. I found it. Of course the owner doesn’t know she’s lost it yet. Dig in your majesty.”
Rajkumar grabbed a vada pav from the basket and a can of mango lassi.
He said “Lucky you. All I got was a weirdo princess. You won’t believe what she did”
He explained quickly how she had taken off the flower from her hair, touched it to her ear, bit it, stepped on it and touched it to her heart.
“I mean can you imagine picking up a flower from the dirty ground and touched it to your chest. Ewww all the germs. What a weirdo, I hope I don’t have to meet her again”
“Your majesty, you might change your mind” said Mantri. “Let me explain. She was really giving you her name and address”
“What? Why didn’t she just say it? Or hand me her business card or give me her social media handle or something?” asked Rajkumar
“I’m not sure why she didn’t just say it. But she indicated her ear with the flower. And that means she’s from Karnataka, which as everyone knows is famous for Carnatic music. She bit the flower, which means her father is King Dantavad. When she stepped on it, she meant her name is Padmavati, and lastly when she touched the flower to her heart she means you’ve stolen it”
“I didn’t steal the flower. She took it with her.”
“No your highness, not the flower. You’ve stolen her heart”
“Seems awfully silly to me! Why not just print a few business cards? Or just tell me all those things directly?”
“It might be a test, your highness. She was merely taking advantage of the fact that her details are vaguely similar to some Sanskrit words for body parts. My recommendation is for us to go to her Kingdom”
So they did. Just the two of them. And in disguise.
The first home they came to when they reached Padmavati’s capital city belonged to an old lady, who sat outside her house making garlands out of flowers.
Mantri seeing her said, “this is the right place. We should talk to her”
They introduced themselves as two weary travelers who needed food and shelter and would pay well.
Her name was Saheli and she was happy to take them in. She already had a good salary from her day job, but she couldn’t say no to a little extra income.
“Oh, what’s your day job?” asked Rajkumar.
“Isn’t it obvious?” asked Mantri. “The way she held her walking stick and from the observation that her right index fingernail was a quarter inch shorter than her other fingernails and that she has a little stain on her left wrist – she’s obviously the Princess Padmavati’s companion”
“Oh my god” said Saheli. “You’re absolutely right!”
Rajkumar gazed at Mantri with new respect
“You see, but you do not observe” said Mantri. He was deliberately not addressing the Prince with an honorific. They were in disguise after all.
Rajkumar had a message to pass to the princess. “Tell her the chap she met in the forest is here”
Saheli happily agreed especially when Rajkumar promised to tip her well.
Well she wasn’t so happy when the next day when Padmavati received her. The princess dipped her hands in Chandan or Sandalwood paste and in a very surprise move slapped the old lady across the face 3 times. She then kicked her out of the palace and made her exit via the west gate. Even though Saheli tried to protest that her home was easier to reach from the east gate.
Saheli was upset. But what could she do? She had no one to complain to. The King was unlikely to be impartial here.
She went back and was angrily burst out at Rajkumar and Mantri, describing what had happened.
Rajkumar was upset too, and promised to pay for medical damages. But Mantri burst out laughing.
“Don’t you see?” he asked. “She wants you to go to the west gate 3 hours after the moon rises tonight”
Now the moon is called Chanda and Sandalwood is Chandan so that was enough of a link to convince Mantri. Seems like a stretch to me, but if it was good enough for Mantri, it was good enough for Rajkumar.
So the Prince did go to the West gate at the appointed time and sure enough, Padmavati was waiting there for him.
They had a long conversation during which Rajkumar got to know a lot more about Padmavati.
Padmavati who was a bit like Sherlock Holmes or like Mantri had already gleaned a lot from one glance at the Prince. She was actually a little disappointed that Rajkumar had not figured out her address and name by himself. When Rajkumar told her that it was his friend Mantri who had figured out everything, she had an idea.
When it was nearing dawn and time for the Prince to go, Padmavati went and fetched a box of sweets. Especially for Mantri she said.
Rajkumar was not to eat them no matter how delicious they seemed.
That seemed strange, but “hey no problem”, he said and left, promising to return the next night.
He went back to Mantri, told him the whole story and gave him the box of sweets.
Mantri did not make any move to eat it. He was sure he knew what was going to happen.
A demonstration would work best here, he thought. He threw one of the sweets towards a crow that was eyeing them from a nearby branch. The crow swooped down and ate the sweet quickly. Within a minute it had dropped dead.
“That’s why you shouldn’t give human food to animals, Mantri” said Rajkumar. “Now be a good boy and eat the rest of your sweets and don’t waste any more”
“You’re really not catching on what’s going on here, are you?” asked Mantri. “The sweets are poisoned.”
“Oh ah” said Rajkumar. “But why?”
“She doesn’t like you depending on me, no doubt”
“I say, that’s extreme. I won’t stand for it.”
“You’re right your majesty. Let’s give her a fitting reply. This is what I want you to do. Go back to her. This time she will probably let you into her chambers. She might even doze off after a while. When she does take this waterproof temporary tattoo sticker and stick it to her back”
“Why? Is it magic?” asked Rajkumar
“Never you mind. Also, when she’s sleeping take all her jewels that you can find and come back here quickly”
“This is making no sense. And I should be the one giving you orders, but I’m just lost here. I suppose I’d better do what you’re saying” said the Prince
That night went like a charm. Padmawati welcomed Rajkumar into her chambers. She fell asleep. He put the temporary tattoo sticker on her back and made away with all her jewels without her noticing.
She had enquired about Mantri earlier. But as practiced, Rajkumar said his friend had been taken seriously ill. Must have been the weather or something.
Mantri who was perfectly alright instructed the Prince to go sell one of the jewels in town.
“But I’ll be arrested! Padmawati will have reported the jewels stolen and they’re sure to put on a watchlist”
“That’s fine. When they do arrest you tell them you know nothing about the jewels but that your boss, Guru Anjaan sent you to sell the jewels.”
“My boss?” asked Rajkumar really not understanding here.
“Yes, I’ll be disguised as a rishi by then. Now go”
Well, this part also went according to plan.
Rajkumar attempted to sell one of the Padmawati’s jewels and was promptly arrested.
He was brought before the King and said he knew nothing about the jewels. He was simply following the instructions of his Guru.
Mantri, disguised as Guru Anjaan was brought to court next. The King, Dantavaad demanded an explanation.
Anjaan was happy to provide it. These jewels belong to my magic witch-cow.
“What’s a witch-cow? Is it a witch who can turn into a cow?” asked the King
“No it’s a cow who has magic powers. Last night she came to my hut with all kinds of jewels and naturally gave them to me. She’s my cow after all. I’ve branded her like all cattle and I even have her registration papers.
He showed them the papers.
“There are no photos on this”
“That’s why I have branded her. You’ll see there’s a trident or Trishul shaped tattoo. That’s the mark I use on all my cattle.”
Mantri looked around the court and suddenly in excitement pointed a finger at Padmawati and shouted – “there she is! Bad cow! Why did you run away?”
The King was outraged. How could this rishi dare to accuse his daughter of being a witch?
But this was a rishi. And a rishi by definition is extremely respectable.
“That’s not a witch-cow, that’s my daughter.” But a nagging doubt began to take hold of him. Hadn’t his daughter always been doing strange things? What if she was a witch-cow?
Guru Anjaan asked the court. Make her show her back. I’ve branded her. If you find my trident mark on her, she’s mine.
King Dantavaad was absolutely sure his daughter didn’t have any such thing. Let’s see the rishi make a fool of himself he thought.
He commanded Padmawati to show her back.
The back of a cow is roughly where it is usually branded. And it was made believable by the fact that no one had in fact actually seen the Princess’s back. Including the Princess herself.
Padmawati had no choice except to let her back be examined by an impartial member of the medical staff.
The ladies doing the independent examination let out a gasp. Yes, Padmawati did in fact have the trident mark on her back.
OMG! Said the King. My daughter is a witch-cow after all. Take her away. Never darken my doorway again.
So Padmawati, Rajkumar and Mantri made their way out of the palace.
“That’s the end of that story” said Betaal
“I do have another question for you Vik. Who amongst these people was the worst offender? The Princess for trying that dirty trick on Mantri. Mantri for tricking the Princess so badly? The Prince for not stopping either of those dirty tricks? Or the King?”
Vikram had an answer ready as usual. “The King, of course.” he said. “The Prince simply lacked the ability to anticipate and thwart evil plans, so it was not his fault at all. The Princess was entitled to do what she needed to secure her future. Yeah an assassination attempt is bad, but one could argue that she was testing Mantri. She fully expected him to figure out that the sweets were poisoned.
Mantri just did what his duty demanded in order to protect himself. The trouble he caused for Padmawati was terrible, but there’s a worse sin here. And that is King Dantvaad’s crime. How could he betray his daughter who trusted him? He believed a wild story about her being a witch cow! Betrayal by someone you’ve trusted all your life is far worse than being humiliated by a complete stranger.”
“Right again Vik!” said the Betaal. He probably said something after that, but Vik didn’t catch it properly. Because the Betaal was far away now. Having slipped away the moment Vik started speaking, he went back to his tree and hung there again.
Vik sighed and began the walk back to the tree to fetch him again.
That’s all for now
Some notes on the show
As is the custom on this show, the names of the characters represent the roles they play. Rajkumar is the Hindi word for Prince. Mantri is the Hindi word for Minister, which is not strictly accurate because Mantri was technically the Minister’s son and not the Minister himself.
Saheli means a female companion, that’s what the old lady was.
There’s no real conclusion to the story. Was Padmawati happy to be with Rajkumar, or did she hate it for the rest of her life? I personally would like to believe that she managed to give Rajkumar and Mantri the slip. It would be taxing to have all your actions watched like a hawk by Mantri, or unappreciated by Rajkumar who was clearly unsophisticated.
Previous Vikram Betaal Episodes:
Episode 5 – Kingly duties
Episode 8 – Vik and the Vampire Redux
Episode 32 – The Call of Duty
Episode 34 – A Damsel in Distress
Episode 56 – The Three Sherlocks
Also: Mini-Episode 46.5 – Betaal
That’s all for now.
Next Time
In the next episode, we’ll go back to the Mahabharat. We’ll examine the next tragedy to hit Hastinapur.