Singhasan Battisi – Vikramaditya, Varuna, Vayu – {Ep.255}

Today’s episode is a story from the Singhasan Battisi. It’s about Raja Vikramaditya’s attempts to retain prosperity in his Kingdom. Including procuring a wish-fulfilling cow and a flying horse!

Welcome to “Stories From India”. This is a podcast that will take you on a journey through the rich mythology, folklore and history of the Indian subcontinent. I am Narada Muni, the celestial storyteller and the original “time lord”. With my ability to travel through space and time, I can bring you fascinating stories from the past, the present, and the future. From the epic tales of the Mahabharata and Ramayana to the folktales of the Panchatantra to stories of Akbar-Birbal and Tenali Raman, I have a story for every occasion.

The purpose of the stories is neither to pass judgment nor to indoctrinate. My goal is only to share these stories with people who may not have heard them before and to make them more entertaining for those who have.

Today’s Story

In this episode, we’re back to the Singhasan Battisi.

The Singhasan Battisi is a series of 32 stories. All of them centered around a King’s attempt to sit on the throne of Vikramaditya. So far, we’ve done six of these episodes. The first was Episode 124, which had the framing narrative. Then we covered many more stories which you’ll find in the show notes and on the site sfipodcast.com. Let’s recap the framing story right now, after which we’ll cover yet another one of the 32 stories.

Picture, if you will, a rather average King. This was Raja Bhoj. You might say he was sharper than a butter knife and he could cut the mustard, but that was about it.

Bhoj ruled his Kingdom several centuries after Vikramaditya had passed on. Vikramaditya had been an immensely popular King. And even in Bhoj’s time, he dominated pop culture. It wasn’t just the Vikram and Betaal stories which featured him in a starring role, with a reanimated corpse, or a Betaal, in a supporting capacity. 

During Bhoj’s time, you could pick up any celebrity magazine, comic book, murder mystery, romance or even just a philosophical essay. Chances are, there would be a reference to Vikramaditya in there! They even had Vikramaditya celebration week, with reenactments, air vikram custom shoes, Vikky-Cola, and all kinds of assorted merchandise.

One artifact that was fanatically sought after was Vikramaditya’s lost throne. It had been lost for a while, and speculation about its location was quite rampant throughout the  Kingdom and beyond.

So the question is what did the middle-of-the-road Raja Bhoj do once he stumbled on this greatest treasure of their time? He tried to sit on it. Because, you know, nothing screams “I’m a competent ruler” like trying to swipe someone else’s throne.

But why, you may ask, would our noble Raja Bhoj want to sit on Vikramaditya’s throne? Fame, fortune, and the chance to make a royal spectacle of himself, I suppose. After all, who wouldn’t want to rub elbows with the elite in their hall of mythical fame? Our dear Raja Bhoj set his sights on the throne, convinced that it would magically transform him into the greatest king of all time. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

But why does simply sitting on a chair make someone the GOAT in Kingly history? It’s because the throne is said to be magic! Legend has it that Vikramaditya himself received special powers from the throne, so naturally, Bhoj assumed he would get the same treatment. It’s like expecting a golden goose to lay Chocolate flavored eggs – utterly ridiculous , but oh so entertaining.

And did it work, you ask? I must keep you in suspense, I’m afraid. You see, the throne was guarded by idols – thirty two of them. And every step that Bhoj took towards the throne, one of the idols intervened. They each told him a story about Vikramaditya, and asked what Bhoj would do in a similar situation. And every time Bhoj’s answer was different from what Vikramaditya actually did, the idol flew away. And every idol that disappeared from the throne, it made the throne look slightly less glamorous.

But fear not, my dear listeners, for Bhoj soldiered on, determined to prove that he was in the same league as Vikramaditya. And who knew? Maybe he’d make it. Or maybe he’d just fall flat on his face. Time will tell, my friends. Time will tell. Well, not just time. I will tell. In future episodes, that is.

Let’s jump into today’s story with the next idol hovering in the air near Bhoja and starting her story within this story.

Vikramaditya was worried and had an urgent problem to solve. He had a preview of his Kingdom’s quarterly business report from his Finance Ministry and he was not pleased. Operating Expenses had stayed flat, when they were supposed to have gone down. The CSAT score – that is the citizen satisfaction score – had only gone up 2 points instead of the target of 3. The revenue was going up slower than a tortoise with a limp trying to climb a tree. All in all, that meant his Kingdom was no longer skyrocketing. That might be okay for average Kings, but Vikramaditya wanted the best for his Kingdom.

When there was a financial crisis like this brewing – there was only one thing to do. Call in the experts. And by that I don’t mean economists or MBAs or fancy consulting firms that would charge by the hour to repeat back any conclusions he himself came up with. He got together his crack team of four Rishis, or the fab four as they were known in Rishi world.

“The easiest way to improve your numbers is to update your numbers. Just say the word. It’s your ministry, and you have absolute power.”

That wasn’t an unreasonable suggestion honestly, but not the advice that Vikramaditya was looking for.

A second committee member suggested building a wall around their Kingdom – to keep away immigrants who illegally entered and took away honest citizens’ jobs.

“I don’t know where you pulled that from,” Vikramaditya retorted, “we don’t collect any data on jobs and migrants yet.”

A third rishi had a different answer altogether. “The secret to your success… is prayer”

He had a point, according to the fourth rishi. “90% of Kings agree that a Yagna is the most effective means of achieving anything,” this Rishi said using the Sanskrit name for the formal prayer, usually conducted by several rishis, around a sacrificial fire.

Vikram knew exactly what the Rishis were talking about. “So when you say “Yagna”, you really mean an elaborate ceremony with lots of guests, catered food, live music and lots of party favors, and such right? Sounds awfully costly to arrange something like that”

Vikram’s finance minister leaned in closer and whispered in his ear. “Sire, think of the ticket sales from an event like this. People will pay us their life savings for an event like this. We can easily recoup our investment in this. Not even counting the returns from the souvenir stalls, food trucks, the autograph stalls, the portrait painting booths, and the games. It seems like a sound investment even without the Yagna.”

That seemed to convince Vikram. But Rishi number 3 had another plot twist to offer. “You should seriously consider inviting a couple of Gods to this Yagna. Their presence will make it much more likely that the Yagna succeeds.”

That was a fair point. So Vikramaditya wanted to know how he could get a couple of Gods to show up. His postal service was excellent, but he wasn’t sure they could deliver invitation cards to Heaven, or Swarg, where most of the Gods lived.

But it wasn’t just a matter of delivering letters, the Rishi clarified. What they needed was to pray to a couple of Gods.

At this point Bhoj rolled his eyes, and asked the Apsara. “Seriously? So now they were going to do a couple of Yagnas only so they could do another Yagna?”

“Don’t interrupt!” the Apsara retorted. “Maybe the other Apsaras were tolerant of you interrupting whenever. But not me. I take this seriously. I’ll fly away and never return”

That made Bhoj listen quietly.

“Yes,” confirmed Rishi number 3. “We’ll have to perform a couple of Yagnas so that we can invite Gods to the third Yagna. Might I suggest Varuna and Vayu?”

“Great idea Rishi number 3. Let’s get started right away. There’s no reason I have to pray to them one after the other. So we’ll split this. I’ll go to the beach and pray to Varuna, the god of the seas, and you, Rishi number 3, can climb the snowy, windy, mountain and pray to Vayu, the Wind God.”

But Rishi number 3 respectfully suggested that he preferred to go to Varuna instead. He had heard that Vikramaditya had already established rapport with Varuna, from back in Episode 136. But not yet with Vayu. For him to get a decent amount of blessings from both Gods, he should try to establish a similar rapport with Vayu as well. And importantly Rishi number 3 had picked up exactly the kind of leaf-book with a bunch of new mantras – they seemed just the kind that Varuna liked.

Vikramaditya sighed and put aside his surfboard and beach blanket and sunscreen that he had enthusiastically collected. Instead, he reluctantly got out his mountain climbing equipment.

Vikramaditya and Rishi number 3 went off in opposite directions, and they each got to their destinations about the same time.

Rishi number three setup his beach chair, umbrella and all that, but then he did get into his duty pretty quickly. He began praying to the massive Ocean right in front of him.

Maybe because it comes from being a ruler, but Vikramaditya scaled the mountain pretty quickly. Getting to the freezing, windy top, he quickly set up camp, took out his meditation beads and began praying to Vayu, the wind god that was freezing him to death.

It’s ironic that Vikramaditya wasn’t back in his palace giving orders to steer the ship, so to speak. He seemed to have left his Kingdom on cruise control.
Running away from administrative duties did not seem like a recipe for success when the aim was to improve the state of your kingdom. And if by a miracle Vikramaditya’s absence did not doom his next quarterly business report as well, then it really meant that his presence was not a net positive for the Kingdom. But if Vikramaditya understood this, he showed no sign of it. He continued praying sincerely to the Wind.

And voila! Not too long after, Vayu appeared and gestured hello. His way of saying hello was to cause a little avalanche on the neighboring mountain. Vikramaditya waved back and explained that he was here to invite Vayu to his palace.

Vayu said that as much as he looked forward to it, he couldn’t come himself. Vikramaditya’s city was architecturally sound, but could it withstand a hurricane? Vayu may end up causing more harm than good. But he had something else for Vikramaditya – a gift. A gift that would solve the King’s problem. A wish-fulfilling cow. Kamadhenu. If you haven’t heard of Kamadhenu before, that’s fine. If you want a pop-culture analogy, imagine the Genie from Aladdin with unlimited wishes, but without any of the singing, the dancing, the humor. A wish-fulfilling cow may completely avoid the need for a Yagna at all. But now that the preparations were on, it might be too late to cancel those plans. Vikramaditya thanked Vayu as the Wind God exited the scene.

Quickly, the King led the cow down the mountain and back towards his palace. A cold, snowy, windy mountaintop was no place for a cow.

Meanwhile, Rishi number three had been praying at the beach. And again, not too long after, Varuna appeared and waved. “Hey Rishi number three, long time no see”, Varuna said.

Rishi number three was too polite to cringe at the dad joke there. Varuna had been correct. Back in episode 136, Varuna and his family had been guests of Vikramditya, and Rishi number three briefly met Varuna then – without realizing he was Varuna. Because the God of the Oceans was in disguise. Varuna’s family had made life difficult for Vikramaditya back then. To the extent that Vikramaditya had clearly instructed Rishi number three to only invite Varuna to the specific Yagna, and nothing more.

But that precaution seemed unnecessary, because Varuna said that he wouldn’t come. How could he? If he did, the entire Kingdom would get flooded. And that too with salt water.

That didn’t happen last time, thought Rishi number three. You almost caused a famine when you and your family were eating up all of the reserve food. But he didn’t think it would be polite to say it. It had after all been a test. A test that his King Vikramaditya had passed.

Varuna instead offered a seahorse. This wasn’t the type of bony fish with bent necks and long snouted heads. This was a regular looking horse that came from the sea. Except it had wings.

That solves the King’s transportation problem, Rishi number three said. “Thank you! And I will lead the horse back to the capital city. I should reach in a couple of days”

Varuna was puzzled. “Why not ride the horse back to the capital? You’ll reach in 20 minutes”

Rishi number three was shocked. “But…but this is the King’s horse now. How can I, an ordinary subject, ride it?”

Varuna was clear though – “as the King’s delegate in this, you are completely entitled to ride this horse,” he assured the Rishi.

So the Rishi did get on the horse but very reluctantly and occupied as little space as he could on the saddle. Varuna had been incorrect about the time it would take to fly back on this winged horse. It didn’t take 20 minutes. It took only 15 minutes. But Rishi number three used the extra 5 minutes to wipe the saddle absolutely clean.

He went back to Vikram, who had already returned to base. Rishi number three explained the whole story, leaving no detail out. When he got to the part where he explained his reluctance to get on the horse, Vikramaditya was impressed. Quite impressed. Enough to gift the Rishi both the cow and the horse.

Bhoj’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? He had the solution to everything there. World peace, poverty, hunger. And he just gave it away!”

The Apsara wasn’t upset about this interruption from Bhoj. Because it wasn’t an interruption. Her story was over. And in a way, Bhoj’s comment had preemptively answered the question she was about to ask. “So I take it, if you were in similar circumstances, you wouldn’t donate the wish-fulfilling cow and the flying horse?”

Bhoja said he wouldn’t. The Apsara sighed. “And that, my dear King, is why I can’t remain on the throne”

Bhoj went on and on about how it made no sense to him at all. After all the effort that had gone into this, how could the King simply abandon his goals? But the Apsara wasn’t listening. She had flown off. Sighing, Bhoj took the next step.

That’s all for now

Some notes on the show

Previous Singhasan Battisi stories are linked in the show notes and on the site sfipodcast.com Check them out.

And if you’re a fan of Vikramaditya, there are also links to Vikram and Betaal that we’ve covered before.

That’s all for now. 

Next Time

In the next episode, we’re continuing the Mahabharata again.

Feedback

Thank you all for the comments on Social Media and on Spotify’s Q&A! I can’t directly reply to the questions there, but I’ll address them here on this show.

Thank you Kaira for the kind words!

Darsh, I hope you had a fun birthday. It was heart-warming to read your response, thank you for the kind words!

Deep Explorer 08 thank you for your support as well.

Vishruth – thank you so much, and you’re right. The number of 108 pops up on multiple occasions. The number of attendants Shiva has, the number of Gopis that were with Lord Krishna in Brindavan. There’s even a rumor that the Sudarshan Chakra has 108 serrated edges. But to be honest, I don’t know how this rumor started. Certainly not anyone who had an up close and personal encounter with the Sudarshan Chakra has counted them. I certainly haven’t. And that may be because usually when I’m close enough to the Sudarshan Chakra, my attention is all on Vishnu himself. You are probably tired of me hearing this, but I am Vishnu’s number one fan after all.

Libby, thank you for the generous praise! Yes, an Akbar Birbal episode is on the cards.

Arthi – thank you as well and yes others have also asked for a Tenali Raman story so it’ll come up soon-ish.

Shalu – thank you for the honest and meaningful feedback as always!

Abeer – certainly! I’m happy to call out the nuances and differences between the Ramayana and the Jain Ramayana.

Aravind – I’d be happy to do a Subhas Chandra Bose story. He’s one prominent Indian freedom fighter we haven’t yet covered on this show.

If you have any other comments or suggestions or if there are particular stories you’d like to hear, please do let me know by leaving a comment or a review on the site sfipodcast.com, or reply to the questions on Spotify Q&A. You can also find me on Instagram and Facebook. You can listen to the show on all podcast apps, and that now includes Youtube. If you want to send me an email it’s stories.from.india.podcast@gmail.com.

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A big thank you to each of you for your continued support and your feedback.

The music is from Purple Planet.

Thanks for listening and I’ll see you next time!