Before we begin today’s episode I have a question for you about the format of the show. I basically need your opinion. Would you prefer a single longer episode every week, or two shorter ones? Let me know what you think by messaging me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, or leave a comment on the website.
Moving on to today’s episode. We’re going to cover the Ancient Indian version of Star Wars!
If you have not watched the original Star Wars movie I highly recommend that you do. Amongst other things, there’s a central character who’s good, and then he turns bad, and then he’s good again. That’s kind of what today’s story is about.
We’re talking about Angulimala. But that’s not his real name. Just as Darth Vader was not really Anakin Skywalker’s name.
Our story begins in the Kingdom of Kosala. One stormy night, there was reason to celebrate in the home of Bhaggava, the Royal Priest. That’s because the Priest’s wife had just given birth to a healthy baby boy. The priest had another reason to be happy. Being an astrologer, he was almost certain he knew what lay in his son’s future. Sure it was a stormy night, but astrologers know what the positions of the stars are without having to actually look at the sky. So Bhaggava knew that his son was going to be a scholar! And one of the best in the country. Probably. The truth is, there were just a couple of possibilities he had not been able to rule out.
If a purple horse were to jump over the rose bushes in his yard tomorrow, that might mean the boy was destined to be a stand-up comedian. Not the worst thing in the world, but the other possibility was worse. And extremely unlikely, he thought.
He slept peacefully that night, completely leaving his baby’s care to his wife despite her post-natal stress. So much for being an empathetic husband. But it was the last time he would sleep peacefully.
The next morning he received a summons from the King himself. And when it’s a summons from the King you can’t ignore it. Even if you are on your paternity leave!
Despite the summons, Bhaggava was in a very cheerful mood. His wife and son were healthy, his son was going to grow up to be a great scholar. And Bhaggava himself had earned 16 weeks of paid parental leave where he’d leave all the caring of his baby to others, while he could have a real vacation! What more could he ask for?
“Your majesty, how may I serve you today?” he asked the King after greeting him in the throne room
“I want you to explain something,” said the King. “Something very strange happened last night. Some of our soldiers reported seeing something strange.”
“A UFO?” asked Bhaggava.
“No, no. Nothing as fancy. The royal painter was around, so we commissioned him to paint a picture on the spot. Here, take a look” the King said.
Bhaggava looked at the oil painting on Canvas. It showed two soldiers looking up, open-mouthed. Because there was a glowing bright blue light around the tips of the spears they were holding.
Bhaggava was taken aback a bit. This exact phenomenon was part of the other possibility he had feared. But it still remained extremely unlikely.
“It’s St Elmo’s Fire,” he said.
“Saint Elmo?! Elmo from Sesame Street? That annoying red puppet character is a Saint?!” asked the King incredulously.
“No, no. This is a different Elmo, your majesty. This is St. Elmo, the patron saint of sailors. It’s because it’s commonly observed by sailors who thought St Elmo was visiting them and blessing their ships”
“I don’t buy that. Whatever it is it’s not fire” said the King
“It’s only been called that, your highness. It’s just a natural weather phenomenon. Charge builds up at the edges and makes it glow when it interacts with air”
“You mean lightning?” asked the King.
“No. Lightning is different. Look I’ll bring over some physics textbooks to you later. First I have an important question. This wasn’t by any chance the North Tower was it? You know what forget I even said that. The North Tower has been blocked off for years, that was a silly question”
“No No, Bhaggava, but it was the North Tower. It was off-limits for years, but yesterday on a hunch I sent these too to check it out” the King replied.
At that, Bhaggava started getting a sick feeling in his stomach. That’s because the one possibility he dreaded was that if two soldiers were to experience St Elmo’s Fire in the abandoned North Tower, and if the King were to have mangoes for breakfast, his son would not be a scholar. Instead, he would be a ruthless bandit.
But that was still unlikely, who would eat mangoes for breakfast, anyway? Besides Mangoes were completely out of season.
“Your highness, if you don’t mind me asking, did you have a good breakfast this morning?” Bhaggava asked.
“As a matter of fact, yes!” said the King, amazed because it seemed like Bhaggava had correctly guessed at so much. “It was an unusual breakfast, but extremely good”
“What was unusual about it your highness?” asked Bhaggava, but he thought he already knew.
“I had a friend send over a whole crate of mangoes last night! The very last of the season. They wouldn’t last long with refrigeration, so I had to eat them all this morning. What’s the matter Bhaggava? You look sick”
“It… It must be the stress of being a new dad, your highness. I… excuse me, your highness, you wouldn’t happen to have a purple horse in your stables, would you?”
“A purple horse?!” asked the King amazed. “I never heard they came in that color. Of course, I don’t have one. Maybe try the circus in town? Or try the yellow pages”
Bhaggava excused himself and made for the circus, the stables, the racecourse, the zoo but no one had such a horse. He finally located one many towns away, but there was no way to get the horse over in time to jump over the rose bushes in his yard today. It was a hopeless case!
Dejected, he went home and realized he would have to accept his son’s fate. His darling baby boy was going to be an absolutely terrifying villain.
He was quite disturbed, and soon the King noticed that. Especially because Bhaggava chose to give up his parental leave and report to work the next day.
On inquiring, Bhaggava explained everything and asked the King if his Son could be preemptively jailed.
“Bhaggava! Don’t be ridiculous. Your son is just 2 days old. Let’s see if we can’t work out something else. For a start, how bad of a robber is he going to be? Like Robin Hood? If so, we can accept that!”
Bhaggava shook his head and said “Worse. Much worse your majesty”
“Well then tell me this – is he going to lead other criminals? Or is he going to rob by himself?”
“By himself, your highness”
“Well, then that settles it. It’s wrong to punish someone for something they haven’t yet done. Besides, our prisons aren’t equipped to handle babies. Take care of him Bhaggava and keep nudging him in the right direction. As an example, maybe you should name him Ahimsaka”
“A most excellent suggestion, your highness,” said Bhaggava though he didn’t really mean that. He had his heart set on calling the boy Anakin Skywalker. But when the King suggests something, you obey it. So Ahimsaka it was. The name means someone who practices non-violence. That’s what the King had meant by nudging him.
Years passed, and the boy grew up. And he was a very good student! The boy read every book in the library! His father did try and keep away any weapons from the boy. So no lightsabers, or bows, swords or spears.
Bhaggava began to think maybe he’d been wrong about his prediction after all. He expressed this to his wife, Mantaani.
“I agree with you. The way he built the robot C3P0 and the pod race that he piloted and won!”
“What are you talking about?” asked Bhaggava
“Wait…” replied Mantaani, quickly picking up her copy of the script. “Oops! I got my dialogues crossed, wrong episode. I meant to say – yes dear husband, it seems likely. It’s quite possible it was because of the gentle nudges”
“Much better,” said Bhaggava. “I’ve been thinking he should go to the best University in the world – at Taxila. He’s already aced his SATs”
Mantaani agreed. Ahimsaka was born to do this. She knew he would do well.
So at that young age, Ahimsaka set out from his home and his kingdom, where all he had were the same million books that he had already read a dozen times. Now he was going to learn a bunch more at University, in between parties, college sports, and other activities completely unsupervised by parents. Little did he know what was in store for him.
That’s all for now. We’ll continue the story next week, where we’ll see Ahimsaka transform into one of the worst villains ever.
Notes
St. Elmo’s Fire that I mentioned earlier is a real thing! Here are some links if you want to learn more:
St Elmo’s Fire seen from an airplane
A good article in the Scientific American about this
Another from LiveScience
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That’s all for now.
I’ll see you next time!