In this episode, we’re going to talk about a folk tale from the Indian state of Punjab.
It’s about a girl who almost married the wrong guy. And if you ask “what’s so remarkable about that?” I’ll mention that the way she got out of that sticky situation was with a machete!
This is a story that was specifically requested by one of my long term listeners. Let’s dive in.
Bopoluchi was an orphan in a village in medieval India. She’d had to manage everything by herself. So she’d made her own little hut in the village, made her own living cutting grass, cooked her own meals and everything. And for a young girl in a patriarchal society to do all that was already a bit much. She was a hard-working girl without much fun in her life. But the one thing she looked forward to was noon every day. Because then, for a few minutes she could meet other girls in the village her age. Being a village in medieval India, there was only one well in the village. There were specially designated time slots when people in certain age groups and genders could visit. Just a precaution by the village elders to ensure no one took too much water from their only well.
One day, some of the village girls had already arrived when Bopoluchi swiped her card and entered the secure village well area. They were excitedly discussing how one of them was about to get married! But there were a few disagreeable ones in the group.
Snob girl number 1 said “It’s great that your Uncle gifted you and your fiance cruise ship tickets for your honeymoon. I mean it’s not the worst thing that could happen. On the other hand, for my wedding, my Uncle will bring food and sweets for the whole village when he announces that he’s found me a match”
“That’s nothing,” said Snob girl number 2 “when my Uncle visits with the news that he’s found me a match, he’ll bring fine clothes for the entire village!”
“Lame-o!” said Snob girl number 3 “my Uncle will bring the entire village Jewels!”
All eyes fell on Bopoluchi. She was the only one who hadn’t spoken.
“My Uncle will bring the entire village fine food, fine sweets, rich clothes, and jewelry!” lied Bopoluchi.
Everyone knew she was an orphan. They were too polite to point it out. She should really have kept quiet though because there was someone besides her friends who heard her. It gave the mysterious eavesdropper an idea. He continued to hide behind the trees, and when the girls were done water-collecting, he secretly followed Bopoluchi to her home.
Having carefully noted his exact location using the GPS signal on his phone. He returned the next day, with horses loaded with food, sweets clothes, and jewels.
Bopoluchi was regretting her lie about her non-existent Uncle when her doorbell rang. Lo and Behold, who was that? It was her Uncle!
At least he claimed to be her Uncle. He claimed he never knew her, but he knew her parents when they were little.
“That can’t be. My parents didn’t meet until they were about to be married.”
“Of course I’m the guy who introduced them to each other!”
“Oh! So you’re Bharat Matrimony! Why didn’t you say so?”
“Don’t call me Bharat Matrimony. I don’t go by that name anymore.” He handed her a visiting card. On it were printed the words “Bopoluchi’s Uncle”.
Bopoluchi obviously wanted to know why he was away all these years. To which, the Uncle replied that he had been busy looking for a husband for her. And he had found the most suitable candidate. That’s why he came now. In fact, it was such a joyous occasion he even brought enough food, sweets, clothes, and jewels for the entire village.
Bopoluchi decided this was really her Uncle. Even if he dressed strangely. His white beard was clearly cotton stuck to his chin. And his eye patch? It was over his left eye a few moments ago, and in a fumble, it had now shifted to his right eye. And the grand jacket with the shoulder decorations clearly said “The Ritz Carlton Suites”. Maybe another of her Uncle’s aliases.
Maybe her Uncle was a little crazy, but who cared? He would save her from being embarrassed, wouldn’t he? So she warmly welcomed him in, offered him tea served in her best china.
Snob girl numbers 1, 2, and 3 really did have a jaw-dropping moment when Bopoluchi took her Uncle to their houses first.
All gifts distributed, Bopoluchi asked about the candidate. Like it’s great and all that you’ve picked someone. But I have to evaluate anyone before we sign on the dotted line.
“Of course we’ll go there right now. Hop on the saddle”
They set off. It wasn’t long before Bopoluchi heard something. It was a crow. And what he said was clearly “Turn back. Turn back. Bopoluchi.”
“Uncle, did you hear what that crow just said?” asked Bopoluchi.
“Nooooo… It was saying ‘Burn pack, Burn pack’. Didn’t you notice the first aid kit he was selling with the pack for burns, cuts, and scrapes?”
“But it knew my name”
“Yeah. And that’s why you can’t put your real name on the internet. You could have completely ignored it if he’d called you @Bopo_girl or something right?”
Bopoluchi did not agree but she let it go.
The crow had flown off. But soon they ran into a peacock. The peacock said, “Run and hide! Run and hide! Bopoluchi”.
Again, the Uncle brushed it off. The bird’s just advertising a day at the beach! “Sun and Tide, Sun and Tide. We really should do something about your hearing.”
Because like in most stories these things come in a pack of three, there was another warning.
This one was from a jackal. This one said, “Escape before it’s too late. Bopoluchi”
The Uncle had an explanation again. The Jackal had simply been asking her to escape from the rigor of the hard-working villager’s life. But guess what? He, the Uncle, already had a plan for that. Tickets for her honeymoon cruise to the Andaman and Nicobar islands. Wasn’t that grand?
Bopoluchi agreed it was and let it go. Her thoughts were turning to her future life partner now. And she suddenly realized that she knew absolutely nothing about him. She asked her Uncle when she would meet the person she would be spending the rest of her life with. Her Uncle replied very soon and gestured to a grand mansion in the middle of the Jungle. He clicked open the gates with his security key fob and they went into the main door.
Bopoluchi eagerly rushed in, expecting to meet a tall, dark, handsome man. So she was shocked when she met a short, pale, withered old woman.
She turned slowly to her Uncle and said “I know Uncle you have my best interests at heart and all that, but I really expected to meet someone younger, maybe not so bald, and …. and a guy, you know?”
“Silence!” shouted her Uncle who by now had locked the door, blocking off all means of escape. “That’s my mother. And I am NOT your Uncle,” he said and with a big flourish whipped off his fake cotton beard. It hurt him when he snatched it off like that. But he gritted his teeth and bore the pain. He couldn’t be seen as a weak person in his moment of triumph.
“And?” asked Bopoluchi. “Surely, you have more to say.”
“Don’t call me Shirley. And Yes, I have more to say. This was all a clever plan. The disguise and the gifts and those visiting cards cost a pretty penny but I will now marry you myself!”
“Okay, that’s cool,” said Bopoluchi almost indifferently.
“What, just like that? You’re not going to cry and ask me to send you back to your village?”
“Nope. This looks like a comfortable house. And I did hear you say you had those honeymoon tickets.”
This shocked Bopoluchi’s Uncle. I can’t call him Bopoluchi’s Uncle anymore. I’m just going to call him “Chor” which literally means Thief. And that accurately describes his profession.
Anyway, Chor was shocked by this. None of the girls he had kidnapped had done this. Maybe this would work out after all.
“Alright, so let’s get married right away!” he said to test her further.
“Let’s!” Bopoluchi replied quickly. “First I need to go shopping”
“Why?” asked Chor.
“You don’t think I’m going to get married in these rags, are you?” she said indicating her grass-cutting outfit which was also the only dress she had.
“You’re not stepping out of the house” warned Chor. “I can’t have you run away.”
“Fine, Mr. Paranoid! I’ll make you a shopping list. And you have to get all this in person. I don’t trust amazon deliveries”
Chor, still surprised that Bopoluchi hadn’t resisted at all, eagerly went off with the list.
Bopoluchi’s lack of resistance was a trick of course. She realized right away that she was unlikely to escape with both Chor and his mother around. The shopping list was simply her way of divide and conquer.
She undid her long hair and began brushing it in front of Chor’s mother, who as I previously mentioned was completely bald.
“Oh my, your hair is so lovely,” remarked the old lady.
“Isn’t it?” asked Bopoluchi with a smile. “But you know what, I was completely bald when I was little. I learned a trick that made it grow out like this”.
“Oh please, won’t you tell me? I really must have lovely hair like that for your wedding” pleaded the old lady.
“Well alright. I’ll tell you. But only because you’re going to be my mother in law, and we shouldn’t have secrets between us. So the trick is to gently pat your head with a heavy frying pan. That’s all that’s really there to it. But you have to reach every part of your head uniformly.”
The old lady in a remarkable display for her age sprinted to the kitchen and fetched the heaviest frying pan of all. She asked if Bopoluchi would mind doing it for her.
“Not at all!” said Bopoluchi with a smile. And she did connect the heavy pan with the old lady’s head. But only once and not very gently. That was enough to knock the old lady out. Bopoluchi stole her keys, swapped their clothes, and cleverly sat up the unconscious Chor’s mother in front of the piano. She put a scarf on the old woman to keep appearances up if Chor came back early.
She escaped quickly and headed straight back to her village.
Meanwhile when Chor got home, his hands full of heavy shopping bags. He was disappointed no one came to help him. Moreover, when he saw Bopoluchi sitting in front of the piano it annoyed him that she hadn’t even greeted him. He threw all the bags at her. When she didn’t move despite that he investigated more and then discovered to his horror that it was his mother under the weight of the bags. And she had passed away. Probably from the impact of his bags. Oh no! What had he done? But wait a minute. Why was his mother wearing Bopoluchi’s clothes? A quick search of the house revealed the girl was nowhere to be found. And his mother’s keys were missing. That could only mean that Bopoluchi had escaped and was probably also responsible for his mother’s demise.
He got angry. He would hunt her down if it’s the last thing he did.
Bopoluchi meanwhile was back at the village. She had done something heroic. She was certainly the hero the village deserved. But not the one they needed at that moment. So they smiled, appreciated her story, promised to nominate her for a Bharat Ratna. But they refused to let her sleep in their homes in case Chor came back.
Bopoluchi didn’t give up. She went back to her own home. And slept with a bill hook under a pillow. A bill hook is a kind of a sharp cutting instrument a bit like a machete.
Well, guess what. Chor came that night with three accomplices. To avoid the risk of waking up the other villagers, the four of them hit on the brilliant plan of carrying Bopoluchi’s bed away. Of course with Bopoluchi still sleeping in it.
Bopoluchi didn’t immediately attack them. She wanted them to get a little tired first. So after they had walked a bit of a distance away from the village, she suddenly jumped into action, pulling out her billhook and swinging it wildly and attacking the people trying to carry her away.
Getting very badly hurt like that, three of them collapsed and the fourth one, Chor took refuge up a tree. But Bopoluchi like the clever girl had thought of every possibility. She had with her a box of matches with which she promptly set fire to the tree.
When Chor finally tried to escape, she had no hesitation in finishing him off.
Humming a tune to herself, she checked his pockets and from bills and receipts found that Chor’s mother had passed away as well. That suited her just fine. She took his keys, especially the ones labeled “treasure room” and “gold vault” and “silver vault”.
Now that Chor and his mother were both safely out of the way, she’d go live in the mansion in the jungle. Oh yeah, and she kept the Honeymoon tickets as well. She was going on that cruise!
That’s all for now
Some notes on the show
There are many similarities with “The Robber Bridegroom” story from the Fairy Tales by the Brothers Grimm, but this one predates the European version by several centuries.
Another key difference is that while the revenge her European version takes on her abductor is to embarrass him at a social event, Bopoluchi’s method of revenge is much more brutal.
That’s all for now.
Next Time
In the next episode, we’re back into the Ramayan. Which we haven’t covered in a while. We’ll continue the story of Ram, Laxman, and Sita in exile, where quite a number of unexpected things happen!