If you’re joining us after a gap and wondering why there wasn’t an episode on Thursday – that’s because there was a change this year.
Based on your feedback we now have a single longer episode every week rather than two shorter ones.
In today’s episode, we’re back into the Mahabharat.
Like most episodes on this show, you need not have heard previous episodes. But you are certainly welcome to listen to the earlier Mahabharat episodes that are linked here.
Here’s a summary of the story so far.
Shantanu was the ruler of Hastinapur and much of India. Together with the Ganga, they had a baby boy – Devvrata, whom Ganga took with her to educate. And if you’re wondering – yes this is the River Ganga.
When Ganga eventually returned the boy to Shantanu, he was already in his late teenage years. I mean Devvrata was in his late teenage years, not Shantanu. Because that would be weird.
Shantanu would have crowned him the next Emperor, seeing as he was getting on in his years. But….as it happened, he ran into Satyavati and decided despite the age gap between them that she would make an excellent wife. Satyavati agreed, but her father did not. He really wanted a child of Satyavati’s to be on the throne instead of Devvrata.
At this point, Devvrata decided that his father’s wishes must take precedence over the well-being of the Empire. And he made a promise never to marry or have children and to always protect whomever of Satyavati’s descendants sat on the throne. There was no “art” in this deal. Devvrata had overcommitted, and Satyavati’s dad came out on top without even having to lift a finger.
If there’s one good thing that came of this – it was that from that day on Devvrata was known as Bheeshma. Seriously, that’s seriously an easier name to pronounce.
Let’s continue the story right there.
People in the Empire had generally been looking forward to Devvrata as their Emperor. It’s not just that he was the wisest, the strongest, and the most skilled royal they had seen or heard of. He was totally Emperor material, which was a bonus. Because honestly, they would have accepted any functioning adult after Shantanu had spent most of his rule staring at the Ganga waiting for her to return the Prince.
So when the news broke that Devvrata had promised away his empire in exchange for a new Queen for his father, the nation collectively facepalmed. But after a while, the sentiment began to shift. Some began to think that they had in fact dodged a bullet.
What if they had found out about his tendency to give away the Empire after he became their Emperor? And what if he did that to others, rivals? At least, in this case, Satyavati’s child would be the one who would sit on the throne.
One good side effect of the rash promise Bheeshma had made was that Shantanu had granted Bheeshma a boon. Bheeshma would have sole power over whether and when to … leave the world of the living. And Bheeshma had sworn to protect the Empire and the throne all his life so they might be okay.
Over the next several years their confidence in Bheeshma built up even more. Bheeshma was pretty much ruling the empire. But without actually sitting on the throne. He only ruled in Shantanu’s name and Shantanu – had completely retired to his chambers and spent all day and all night with Satyavati.
Over the years, Satyavati and Shantanu had a couple of children – Chitrangada and Vichitravirya. Satyavati’s father breathed a huge sigh of relief at that. His grandson Chitrangada would be Emperor!
When the boys were still young, Shantanu passed away. It was a sad day for Satyavati and her children, who were constantly in his company. It was a sad day for Bheeshma too, who had given up the throne for his dad’s slightest wish.
But the rest of the nation just shrugged its shoulders and moved on. It’s not like Shatanu had been doing any actual administration. If anything, their tax rupees would be feeding one less mouth in the royal family.
Bheeshma approached Satyavati, a few months after Shantanu’s demise.
“Mummy, I have something important to discuss,” he told her
Satyavati winced. She was about the same age as Bheeshma. “Must you call me Mummy?” she asked him.
Bheesma shrugged “I can call you Mum if you prefer, or Mama, Maa. Or Mother if you prefer something more formal”
Satyavati shook her head. “Never mind,” she said. “What is this important matter you want to speak of?”
“Chitrangada’s birthday. It’s coming up next month” replied Bheeshma.
“Did you mail out all the party invites like I asked you to? And is the ballroom decorated? I don’t want any mistakes with the Cake this time. I specifically want the chocolate one with strawberry frosting and horizontally cut mango slices. I was so annoyed when they were cut vertically last time.”
“With all due respect Mummy, this topic I have to discuss is more important than…”
“What?!” interrupted Satyavati hastily. “What could be more important than cake?”
“He’s coming of age. I think it’s time for him to sit on the throne”
“I still don’t see how that’s more important than Cake,” said Satyavati frowning “And besides, he sits on the throne all the time. The other day, he and his brother were playing in the Throne room, and they were play-acting. Vichitravirya pretended to be Emperor first, and then Chitrangada pretended to be the conqueror and took over the throne. It was so funny! I have a video of it somewhere. Here let me WhatsApp it”
Bheeshma felt he had to be more forceful “Mummy, I meant him sitting on the throne permanently. Becoming Emperor. Being Coronated. Assuming the role of discharging his administrative duties as the official Sovereign of the Empire of Hastinapur”
There was a long pause. “Gosh! My baby’s all grown up!” she teared up a bit. The message had sunk in.
They decided to do the coronation as a bonus, a surprise party for all the birthday party guests.
And it went excellently! Chitrangada did have to stop pretend-play with his little brother, but that was a small price to pay for watching everyone bowing to him all the time.
With time, Chitrangada did grow up and matured into an able ruler. A bit too powerful for his own good.
He had conquered every neighboring kingdom and was now boasting that he was the most powerful of all.
During a particularly wild night of partying a stranger appeared before him, and challenged him that not just was he not the most powerful of all, he wasn’t even the most powerful Chitrangada.
“Huh? What?” asked Chitrangada looking at the newcomer up and down
“It’s true. I’m Chitrangada. I’m just a Gandharva, a musician. But I can defeat you at anything. Name your weapons”
Being short-tempered Chitrangada the Emperor quickly agreed to the duel.
But in reality, his power and strength lay in the support he was getting from Bheeshma. On this occasion, Bheeshma was not present. He’d had the weekend off. The result was that Chitrangada the Emperor was promptly defeated and killed by Chitrangada the musician.
The news was a shock to Satyavati and Bheeshma. Vichitravirya seemed upset but soon forgot all about it as he immersed himself in watching afternoon cartoons.
Despite the terrible situation, Bheeshma had his eyes set firmly on Hastinapur’s future.
“We have to crown Vichitravirya. He should be Emperor”
“No no no no no! I’m not listening to you. I put Chitrangada on the throne and look at what happened. Where were you anyway? Why did you let him go to that awful pub anyway? I want you to make that awful musician pay for what he did to my baby!” she asked.
“I can’t. From the Gandharva’s perspective, it wasn’t personal. It was just business. And we have to respect that. And anyway he’s not an awful musician. He’s pretty good actually. I’ve been to one of his concerts. He’s almost as good as my uncle. You know my uncle Narada Muni – the one does those podcasts?”
“I don’t care about any Uncles and Aunts of yours Bheesma,” said Satyavati now a little annoyed. “You can tell them from me to keep their noses out of this. Now, why do you want to put Vichitravirya on the throne anyway? You managed fine after Shantanu and before Chitrangada”
“Listen to me carefully Mummy. If we don’t have a ruler on the throne, Hastinapur as an Empire won’t exist for long. Chitrangada made a lot of …. Enemies. He forced pretty much every one of our neighbors into battle and then defeated them all. I’m sure they are all itching for revenge. An empty throne in Hastinapur is all the temptation they need to gang up on us. A child on the throne will make people hesitate. They’ll think him unpredictable and will hesitate to act. And that’s all we want.”
“But the poor child! He’s only in the 4th grade!” said Satyavati
“Well, he’ll just have to do his homework and assignments after the day’s administration. But don’t you worry I’ll be there to help him”
“That’s a relief! I’ve often felt he needed help with his geography assignments and I meant to ask you. Now I feel so much better”
“I meant I’ll help him with the administration, not the schoolwork. But you know what. I’ll get him some help. Kripa and Kripi – they can help him with his schoolwork.”
That seemed to convince Satyavati. And so, Vichitravirya was crowned Emperor of Hastinapur.
His first decree was that every Ravivar was Rasagolla day and that everyone in the palace must always move around on roller skates. But those rules did not stick for long. Bheeshma had a long talk with him to change his mind.
It’s a stretch to say that things were great. They were not. But their neighbors did not invade. And that seemed to satisfy Satyavati and Bheeshma.
Satyavati and Bheeshma often talked about how Vichitravirya did not have any succession plan. Not that the little boy who was just barely a teenager was expected to think of such things. But it was natural for Satyavati and Bheeshma as custodians to worry about the future of Hastinapur, though for different motives.
Satyavati really badly grandchildren she could help raise. While Bheeshma often lamented that if there was no “Empire” of Hastinapur he would have nothing more to defend. He would be out of a job.
A solution presented itself after a while. Well, it did not start off as a solution, but trust Bheeshma to find a way.
The King of Kasi, which was yet another Kingdom in India, was arranging a party. It was a pretty major event. He had 3 daughters – Amba, Ambika, and Ambalika. And don’t ask me about the names – the Queen of Kasi was probably just addicted to Mangoes.
What was being arranged was a Swayamvara. It’s a ceremony where a Bride picks the groom. On her wedding day. It’s not something she’d forced into. The choice is entirely hers. And she does usually have an elaborate lineup of prospective grooms to pick from.
Naturally, it’s in the host kingdom’s best interest to invite the most Kings that they can. It leads to generally favorable relations with everyone else. Other Kingdoms are not really upset at not being picked. Chivalry demands that they respect the lady’s decision. And the general meet and greet at a Swayamvar party has led to more trade deals than at trade conferences.
So it was that a few months later, an elaborate Swayamvar party was in progress.
In one corner, King Shalva of Saubha, and Sambhav, the King of Magadha and Bheeshma were chatting.
Sambhava said “I say, fellows, these Swayamvars are all the rage these days. What will they think of next? Gender reveal parties?!”
Shalva replied “I don’t mind them myself. It’s a good way of ensuring that a Princess isn’t forced into a marriage she doesn’t like. Imagine if they started doing that!”
He had an ulterior motive. Princess Amba and King Shalva had an arrangement. They had chosen each other secretly. The Swayamvar was the perfect means for Amba to pick Shalva with no one objecting.
Sambhava continued “And what about this idea of having 3 Swayamvars in one party? You think Kasi is being a bit miserly with his wine?”
“A three for one deal works well for me, as it happens,” said Bheeshma mysteriously.
“Say, Bheeshma. What are you doing here anyway? You swore not to marry, didn’t you? Now, what are you going to do if one of the Princesses picks you? How will you get out of that eh?”
“I’m not here for myself. I represent Hastinapur and its Emperor Vichitravirya”
At that both Shalva and Sambhava paused.
Finally, Sambhava said “I say, old chap. Not to sound offensive or anything. But isn’t Vichitravirya a bit on the young side?”
Bheeshma chose not to answer, deliberately. He didn’t want to debate this. He had a bigger agenda in mind.
Sambhava did not take offense. Politely he shifted the topics back to Swayamvars.
“I can’t imagine a bigger badge of honor than to be able to say that you were chosen by a princess at a Swayamvar,” he said
“Well there is a bigger one,” said Bheeshma. “As it happens, it involved Swayamvars too, but not what you’re thinking”
“Care to explain?” asked Sambhava. But just then the Princesses entered the party room.
Bheeshma looked at them. And then turned to Sambhava. “I’ll do better than explain. I’ll demonstrate. Here, hold my beer”.
And with that, Bheeshma walked off towards where the master of ceremonies was enthusiastically introducing the Princesses to rapturous applause.
Bheeshma walked right up and grabbed the microphone. And when you’re a de facto ruler of Hastinapur, they let you do it.
“Sorry for the interruption.” Bheeshma began. “I was just talking about something to my dear friend Sambhava right over there”. He gestured at Sambhav, while the King was desperately praying for a hole to swallow him up. Why was Bheeshma pulling him into this? And right when Amba was watching?
Bheeshma continued – “I got a question for this crowd. What earns more respect than to be picked by a princess at a Swayamvar?”
No one answered.
“No one? Well, I can’t blame you for not thinking about it. I’ll tell you the answer. How about this situation – in the presence of every powerful King in the world, one of them claims the Princess and not one person is able to stop him.”
The implication hit everyone at the same time. Bheeshma dropped the mic, walked to the princesses, and began escorting them to his chariot, which he conveniently had the valet pull up ahead of time.
Several Kings began to move. But Bheeshma had anticipated that. In a flash, he had his bow in his hands and had fired an arrow at the feet of Shalva, who had been the first guy to move.
“You missed!” said Sambhav
“No. He didn’t” said Shalva, as he looked down at the arrow that had exactly nailed his shoes to the ground without actually hurting him.
Everyone was stunned into silence as Bheeshma escorted the ladies into his chariot. “Adieu! Adieu to you and you and you” he said to the crowd cheerfully as he pulled out.
It took a while for the crowd to mobilize. Part of the reason of course was there weren’t enough valets and it took a while to retrieve everyone’s chariots. The first few Kings certainly didn’t want to chase Bheeshma on their own. Certainly not after what he had shown what he could do with a bow and arrow.
But soon, they had all gathered and began the pursuit.
They did catch up pretty quickly. Particularly because Bheeshma had decided to stop for a burger and fries at the rest stop. Amba, Ambika, and Ambalika so far didn’t know how exactly to process this. Was this a good PR moment or a disaster? That uncertainly certainly didn’t stop them from getting burgers and fries too.
Fresh off the meal loaded with calories, Bheeshma drove the chariot with his three silent companions. But he stopped when he heard the loud sound of chariots behind him.
He turned around and faced the crowd. At least a hundred chariots, and a small army behind each.
This was not good. This was going to delay him and then he wouldn’t get to the next Burger Raja in time for dinner.
He pulled out a megaphone. “Please. Don’t make me do this”. But people didn’t really listen. Their honor was at stake. Could they allow history books to remember their collective humiliation at the Swayamvar by a single person?
Well, it turned out that history books would indeed remember how those Kings were collectively humiliated at the Swayamvar. But history books would also remember how the same Kings were then humiliated a second time on the battlefield.
Because that’s how the battle turned out. Maybe Bheeshma was far too focused on not being late. But within minutes and in between picking his teeth, he had decimated most of the army, and disabled their chariots. There was no further resistance.
At this point, the mood in the chariot began to change. Ambika and Ambalika were now thinking that a guy like Bheeshma was a keeper. Amba meanwhile was desperately praying that Shalya wasn’t hurt in the battle.
Amba’s emotions were eventually going to lead to a lot of problems for Bheeshma. But that’s much later in the Mahabharat.
That’s all we’ll have time to cover in this episode.
Next Time
In the next episode, we’ll continue the story. And we’ll see exactly why Bheeshma’s promises turned out to be a bad idea