Just as a reminder, this is our final regular Thursday episode, as we switch to weekly episodes. Thanks to all of you who provided feedback.
I know I said last time that in today’s episode, we’d be doing the Shoorpanakha’s back story, after a couple of listeners expressed interest in knowing more. But it turned out the material was taking longer so I for this final Thursday episode, I decided to do a fun little story. It’s a story about me! Yes, I’m back in the spotlight again. You’ll see how I answered a tricky question that had stumped both Vishnu and Brahma. I’m pretty proud of how I handled that situation, especially when 2 of the 3 supreme beings were unable to! So, I decided I’m absolutely going to do an episode on it!
Let’s dive in.
We have encountered the characters in today’s show before, but you need not have heard of any of them.
Our cast today includes Lakshmi the Goddess of Wealth, and the planet Saturn.
Lakshmi is Vishnu’s partner, and because I’m such a big fan of Vishnu who’s always grabbing every opportunity I can to meet him, I have met her very often as well. She’s a fantastic person, and given her status as the goddess of wealth – there are some pleasant side effects. For example, after the last time I visited Vishnu and Lakshmi, I discovered a sheaf of 5000 rupee notes in my pocket that I must have kept there previously but forgotten about. Another time, I found a credit card I had previously lost. Little things like that.
Shani on the other hand – well, what can I say? He’s the God of misfortune. And he’s a planet too. I generally try to avoid him, as does everyone else. Remember all the pleasant things I keep discovering after meeting Lakshmi? Well, with Shani it’s exactly the opposite.
The last time I met him, I found an overdue bill for my Veena repair along with a notice threatening to take my veena away unless I paid up right away. A Veena in case you don’t know is a classical Indian musical instrument. I carry it all the time or I wouldn’t be much of a traveling musician, now would I? Another time I met Shani, I accidentally stumbled and fell in a puddle, ruined my perfectly new shoes and clothes, broke my Veena and all that. Come to think of it, that’s why I had to have my Veena repaired.
Anyway, so it was that Shani was generally glum that he had had no friends. No one wanted to spend any time with him. Hanuman was immune to the misfortune Shani would bring, but then Hanuman was always busy serving Ram. He had no time for social calls.
I’m the Indian mythological version of Wreck-It Ralph Shani thought. But guess what, just like Ralph set out to get a medal for being heroic, I’m going to win something. A popularity contest!
And I’m not going to settle for the opinions of the Devs, I’ll just ask the most divine, the most powerful entities instead! The Holy Trinity – Brahma the Creator and Vishnu the Preserver and Shiva the Destroyer.
He decided to start with Brahma. As he was making his way there, he ran into Lakshmi. Or at least – he saw Lakshmi and waved to her and shouted out to her. She didn’t respond or even notice him. Deliberately – he thought. No one wanted to even meet and greet him. This was worse than he had thought! He was a God! How could they ignore him quite like this? Maybe h would crash every party from now on until they started giving him more respect.
“Oh hey, Shani!” she said removing her Bluetooth earbuds as she approached him. “Sorry I was on the phone with Brahma and didn’t hear you earlier. How are you doing?”
“Very well, thank you. And very relieved. I thought you were deliberately ignoring me just like everyone else.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you!” said Lakshmi horrified. “That’s just not my personality. Not for nothing did I win the Congeniality award 5 centuries in a row”
“Interesting,” he said “Clearly, you’re lucky I didn’t participate. The judges would have clearly awarded me the Congeniality award, and the popularity award and many more besides”
“Don’t be so sure!” she replied. “Weren’t you just saying that people deliberately avoid you?”
“That’s because they don’t appreciate my beauty! Look I’m clearly the most beautiful of Brahma’s creations!” And he shone off his rings. And in the brilliant sunlight, his rings shone marvelously!
“I don’t deny that you are beautiful, it’s just that I’m way ahead of you,” she said. “And since you mentioned Brahma, why not ask him?”
“That’s exactly what I was going to do,” Shani said.
“But you’re going the wrong way. Brahma’s not at home right now. I was just chatting with him. He’s over at my place. Probably deep in conversation with Vishnu”
I was over at Vishnu’s too. Truth is, he was not deep in conversation with Vishnu. He was deep in thought, however. Vishnu and Brahma were playing Chess. I was officiating, and clearly, it looked like Brahma was closing in on victory. Vishnu had lost his rooks, his queen, a bishop, his knights and was down to his last 2 pawns.
As Shani and Lakshmi entered, Lakshmi went straight up to her husband and peeked at the board. Shani meanwhile went closer to Brahma. Well, as you can imagine, that was the turning point of the game. Vishnu soon converted both pawns to Queens and won that game pretty handily from what had seemed to be an impossible situation.
“Thank you Shani!” he said. But instead of making Shani feel better, it made him sink further into his quagmire of self-pity.
“I had nothing to do with it, Vishnu. Why does everyone assume I am responsible for every single misfortune?” said Shani, and it was easy to see he was getting stressed by this situation.
Lakshmi quickly brought everyone up to speed on the situation. And Shani ended it by asking Brahma. “You are the creator of the Universe. Tell me the truth – am I or am I not the most beautiful thing that was ever created?”
“Oh yes you are,” said Brahma. “I take pride especially in the beauty of your rings. At the right angle, the sunlight hits it just perfectly. There’s not a planet like you in the whole Universe.”
“You know that does make me feel marginally better,” said Shani. And then pointing at Lakshmi he continued “But now please tell Miss Congeniality here that I’m more beautiful than she is”
Brahma was silent for a long time. My dad may make terrible mistakes in granting all kinds of superpowers to villains, but he’s certainly not the kind who will fall into an obvious trap. Finally, he said “How can I compare the two of you, child? She’s not my creation. She rose out of the Ocean of Milk. It’d be like comparing Apples and Oranges.”
“And why can’t you compare Apples and Oranges?” asked Shani, with a challenge in his voice.
“Well, you just can’t. I created Apples and Oranges too, so I know. But if you insist, why don’t you ask Vishnu here. He’s wiser than I am. I completely defer to him and I’ll vote for whomever he does. You won’t even need to go to Kailas to get a tiebreaker vote from Shiva.”
So Shani turned towards Vishnu and asked “Well? What do you have to say?”
Vishnu was quiet for a long moment as well. “I have a vested interest here. Lakshmi is my wife. I must recuse myself.”
Seeing Shani’s expression changing into frustration, Vishnu quickly added “But I’ll tell you what – I’ll defer to Narad here. He’ll be impartial. I have complete confidence in him.”
That last line alone made my day. It was totally worth hearing that from Vishnu. But this was a tough problem to solve. I knew that if I voted for Shani, Lakshmi would not be happy with me. If I voted for Lakshmi, I would face an eternity of misfortune. It was impossible to provide an objective answer to the question. Brahma was right, it was like comparing Apples and Oranges. But I’m just the low man on the totem pole. I couldn’t pass the buck any further.
But I had an idea. “Can each of you do a walk on the ramp for me?” I asked.
I began to sense the question forming in Shani’s mind and hastily answered it – “You won’t need wardrobe changes. Just as you are. There are no points for your choice of apparel”.
So they each did the walk for me. Just to be sure, I had them repeat it.
“Yes, I’m absolutely sure now,” I said.
With breathless excitement, Lakshmi and Shani were smiling waiting for me to announce the winner. “The winner is…. Oh, I almost forgot. Brahma, Vishnu, you said you’re going to vote for whomever I pick right?”
“Yes, yes, but do get on with it,” said Brahma. Vishnu was calm as usual. I think he knew what I was going to say, even before the thoughts had formulated in my own head.
I cued “Drum roll again please”
A passing Gandharva, or celestial musician began the drum roll again.
Just say it! Said Shani now exasperated. The suspense is killing us added Lakshmi.
“Okay,” I said. “The truth is Lakshmi, you are better than Shani when you’re approaching. And Shani you are better than Lakshmi when you are receding”
That was exactly what each wanted to hear. Shani liked being appreciated. If he appeared to move away from people they actually praised him and loved him for it. They would even have a day named after him – Shanivaar or Saturday – the best day of all he thought.
“So that’s it!” He said excitedly. “I’m not actively bringing people misfortune by approaching them. But I’m really taking away their misfortune when I move away from them subsequently. Why didn’t I think of this before? It’s childishly simple”
And if you have seen the Wreck-It Ralph movie, that’s precisely what happened to that guy as well. It’s not that he suddenly became a good guy, but he came to love his role.
That’s all for now
Notes
Lakshmi is the Goddess of Wealth. We met her as she emerged from the Grand cosmic experiment in Episode 51 – Oceans Rising. And we met Shani or the planet Saturn in Episode 55 – Saturnine.
That’s all for now.
Next Episode
In the next episode, we’ll actually cover Shoorpankha and Ravana and their family history.
So we’ll learn a bit more about the Princess of Lanka who was a trigger for much of what happened in the Ramayan. We’ll also see some intense sibling rivalry that did not end well for anyone.